Why am I serving in the Peace Corps?

As I went through training and met people from all around the country it became clear that although we were all here to "change the world and help people" there were other motivations at play. We all have interests and future wants that color what our Peace Experience will be. Some are here for resume filling, some are here for adventure, some are here because it's better then working retail in the U.S. What we want from this experience and what thoughts about race, class, agency, sex, and privilege we have pose to inpact our service here and how we view those we work with. I challenge all of my fellow PVCS and those who are looking to serve in the Peace Corps to really honestly examine why you want to serve.

I am saying all of this and you may be asking yourself: Well why are You serving?

I am serving because I have a geniune love of people. People, their stories, their pain and triumphs in life inspire me. The ability to view life through a different lens is very important to me and the Peace Corps allows me to do that hundreds of times over.

I am serving because I want to do my part to make the world more equitable and try to open doors for people. My 2 years here is my attempt to help end poverty.

I am serving because I have interest in working in International Economic Development. The Peace Corps allows me to try on the life of a development worker and see if it is something that can be a real career for me.

I am serving because I am an artist. The space and inspiration that Peace Corps affords me is invaluable. The more I learn and see the more I want to create.

There you go. So why are you serving?

Poem: Love poem for those that feel unloved

From time to time I will write Poetry, Short Stories, Essays, or showcase my Photography. Here is a poem I wrote a few weeks ago.

I want to write you a love song, love poem, love tome

Would you like that King?

Scribes filled with life and light

Stretched from here to Ethiopia to Malaysia

Stretched out like rivers...Like Time

I'll stand on empty street corners and in crowded Juke Joints

Lay on solem beds and recite

Self assured like

Like heart ache has never occurred nor rejection

I'll write cliches until they sound like the first time

the fell from some lips of some person in sometime long before now

The Things We Carry

I have been having a problem with Nostalgia. I carried things with me when I came to service. Things not packed in suitcases but in my heart and mind. One day I woke up in the middle of night struck with anger and extreem sadness. It had had nothing to do with my Spanish studies, or tech class, or any of my trainess. It had to do with a situation at home. That night I felt so heavy, I searched through the package that my stepmom had packed for me and found my meditation cds along with some inspirational mixes that she made for me. I had to do some hardcore meditation to let go of the stuff I was carrying. Later I spoke to my Daddy and he gave me very sound advice. He said "Tempest, leave that stuff where it is. It does nothing to serve you. Let Philly stay in Philly. Let it go because you can't carry that stuff and fully experience what you are there to experience". He was so right. I resolved to let things go. To be like the characters in Song Of Solomon, one of my favorite novels, and carry nothing.

That went really well for a while.. Then I started to feel alone or scared or annoyed and I reached back for the blanket of nostalgia. This time it wasnt something negative at all. It was the very opposite. Very wonderful experiences that I had right before I left. I would wrap myself up in this blanket when I felt alone in the world. It has helped. Though being wrapped in nostalgia still takes me out of being present in the moment. I am still on the rode to finding balance with that. My goal is to reach for that security of nostalgia less and less and learn to sit in whatever disconfort or coldness the day brings. That is the goal.

Character Study #1 : Nelly

From time to time I will practice writing character studies here. I fancy myself a novice writer and what better place to practice and introduce you some of the amazing characters I have met here then through mini stories about them. This will be an ongoing part of the blog.

I introduce to you: Nelly

"So where are they gonna live?", "And who is gonna cook for the group?...I'll do it!", boomed a strong voice from the back of the cramped makeshift church. I shifted in my pew to see who the crazy lady was that was unofficially running our welcome meeting. I saw a strong brown woman with a man's hair cut, slacks, and a faded white polo. I had never seen a woman like her in Panama. She was rough and loud...

She was my new mother.

When I entered her house my heart sank... It was scary. The foul oder of pig pen waffed from the back. The house and everything around it were a mirade of dark grays and green tones. Even the sun didnt seem to touch this place. I entered the house and my eye scanned the room. A thin patina of dust coated every inch of the room. Old pictures, liquer bottles, and Quincenera favors were jammed on shelfs around the t.v. There was a large bottle filled with a green liquid and a brown shriviled objects that resembled an organ. It turned out to be cockaroches. Fatigue, heat, and home sickness robbed me of my usual openness and i shrunk into my room. She treated me with indifference and didn't seem to notice.

It did not take long for me to see how amazing she was and for us to become friends. She was strong. Really strong. She could hunt and cut wood and carried around a machete. She was also single....very strange in Panama. Nelly could often be heard yelling "Naaaaaw!!" or yelling a joke. She reminded me of Philly...She reminded me of Home.

One day, she told me that she wanted to go to a special 5 hour walk in honor of a saint and that she didnt want me to come. She said her "husband" would be coming in to watch me.... I was very confused. I asked the PCV who hosted us about this husband and she replied "What husband? I've been here for nearly 2 years and never seen her with a man?!". Well this "husband" man surely came. She said "This is my man" and suanteered out the house....without him. He spent time in the house watching soccer and fixing the broken latrine door. He also set about sewing things around the house.

Later that week we would have a party with the whole community. We taught them how to do the Electric Slide and they taught us Tamborito. Nelly was the first one to get in the circle to dance of course. She scooped up the women and twirled them around. Hip jutted out and hand on stomach... Just like the men. Every one laughed and joined in. Men willingly gave their wives up and she even took me out for a spin.

When it was time to leave, she started to cry and gave me the largest hug she could muster. She gave me a gift of a small leather keychain. I asked her if she would forget me. She replied with a resounding "Naaaaaw!"

On Salchicha and other Panamanian delicacies

When I received my invitation to serve in Panama I started to think about food. I grew up around Ricans and love Mexican and Cuban food. Visions of spicy sultry flavorful dishes filled my head. In my mind the plates were filled of color and always deliciosa.... Then I arrived in Panama.

The colorful selections of food in my dreams, were replaced with a vast selection of browns and whites...and sometimes grays. There was to be no spicyness or for that matter even spice. The greatest delicacy would be this wonderfood called: Salchicha to Panamanians or Hot Dogs to Americans.

Fried Hotdogs for breakfast, lunch, or dinner

Satuaed hotdogs with onions

Boiled hotdogs with tortilla

The only way I haven't eaten hotdogs here is with ice cream. There is no susauge here and I found ground beef for the first time a week ago after living here for 3 months. I have no idea why everybody loves hotdogs so much here. My mom in Los Mortales did her best with the cooking but many times would forget the salt. She did make amazing Ohaldras which are like lil funnel cakes. I was so suprised about the lack of spice in the food however, being that I was in a place that had many afro latinos. I have heard that in Bocas del Toro, Colon, and The Darian there is better food. These are where there are huge swaths of Afro decentes. That still does not account for the lack of flava with the rest of the population since almost every family I have come across has some black people in it.

Another strange thing about food here: The LOVE SOUP! I am a sista from Philly and only ate soup for 2 reasons. 1) I was very sick or 2) It was very very cold. People here however eat it at the hottest point of the day when tempature rises up to 100 degrees! It has been a real adjustment to eat this much soup.

All is not bad here however on the food front. My new host family in Portobelillo make killer food! Pollo Grisada, fried fish, great stews. They usually pile my plate high enough for a whole family to eat so family don't be suprised if I come back to the U.S. Looking like Monique...

Black in Panama

When I arrived to Panama I brought with me more then clothes and books. I bought my experience as an African American with me as well as a desire to learn about people of African decent living in Panama. In Mexico I was referred to as Negra, which I thought was beautiful. It was always said with love and when people would yell Negrita bonita I felt powerful and beautiful. I came to Panama with that and found that no one here even uses the term.. There were no "Negros o Negras" only "Morena". Everybody here is some shade of brown so it was hard to distinguish the brownish redish coloring of indigenous people from the brownish redish or chocolate tones of the africana population. I was told that none of this was important "No Te Preocupas" when I referred to my race. But it was important to me! We have different histories and it has changed how the people of Panama talk and deal with race. It would not be fair to say that they don't have any pride in their Africaness and it would be untrue. Panama is a culture full of mix. Indigenous, African, and Spaniard flavors all mix together but there are some very strong African ties still present.

Tamborito Afro Decentes in Panama gather in a circle and play African drums while a woman leads in a Call and response song. Everyone sways and dances and sings. The first time I witnessed this I cried. It is such a powerful experience.

Congo- The name alone tells you all you need to know. The Afro latino population of Colon, a provience in Panama, put hankerchifes on their heads and partner male to female. They dance with their hips in a circle. The man twirls and jumps around the female and they sort of battle. I was asked to join in a Congo performance during Carnival and it was quiet an honor. What made it even more special? A fellow PCV, a white man from Ohio, took up a african crown and danced Congo with me!

I wondered time and time again; Where did the black folk come from? Was it all due to slavery? I asked around to my neighbors and Spanish teachers and found out some really interesting things:

• Panama was once part of Columbia. Columbia had one of the largest Slave populations in all of Latin America. When Panama broke off many of the Afro Columbians were here.

• Many people in Panama are actually from Jamaica! Time after time I was told about the Jamaican grandfather or great grandmother. The people here are very tapped into that culture as well. In Bocas Del Toro they speak Petwa but in Spanish and Reggae music is incredibly popular in All of Panama.

• African Americans came down to Panama to help build the canal and many never left.

Enjoy some pictures of the beautiful people I have met while here. Part of my secondary project will be cross cultural sharing and self esteem workshops with the afro latino population here.

Los Mortales in Pictures

Here are some pictures of mi familia and my time in Los mortale